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Being Willing to Change Something that is Not Working


A key to emotional resiliency is identifying and changing what is not working in your life. The area that we will highlight today is co-dependency. How can I recognize that I am co-dependent, and what steps can I take to be free from it? Those are great questions, and we will get to them momentarily. Before we do, it's essential to understand what it means to be emotionally intelligent and emotionally healthy. Emotional intelligence is defined as identifying emotions and understanding the role they play in influencing a person's thoughts, words, and actions. They quietly observe themselves and others and often reflect on these observations and share their conclusions. To be emotionally healthy is to have the ability to accept and manage feelings through challenges and changes. An emotionally healthy person will allow their emotions to be digestible. The mundane hassles of daily life are opportunities to practice responses rather than their reactions. This allows their emotional health to flourish.

Now that we have defined emotional intelligence and emotional health let’s dive into an area where these principles can be applied: co-dependency. What is co-dependency? The spiritual definition is anything or anyone that is an idol in your life. The psychological meaning of co-dependency is an addiction to people, behavior, or things—a dependency on someone or something other than God to satisfy your need for wholeness. People who struggle with co-dependency often depend on others for their self-worth. There are two signs of co-dependency.

1. You are compelled to have relationships with troubled, needy, or dependent people. These types of relationships make you feel as though you are needed and can be the “hero” in someone else’s life.

2. You have a strict adherence to a system of dysfunctional beliefs. A few examples: you don't trust others, talk or open up to others, and always have to maintain and present yourself as perfect.

Do you find that you can identify with any of these examples? It can also be really helpful to ask God to show you in any areas or relationships in your life where you may be co-dependent or have idols. Once He reveals it to you, cast the idols down in the name of Jesus. In place of the idols, ask God to show you how He sees you and how He feels about you. It may be a process, but you can learn how to love yourself and accept your true worth and value from God. He is the only voice that matters.

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